Dating Advice: The Top 5 Obstacles to Being a Chooser
Many singles today are insecure and struggle with being the chooser Instead, they submissively let others make the choices. Being the chooser means taking the initiative and responsibility for your outcomes by seeking to create what you want in your life and relationships.
As a Chooser, you are aware that you always have choices and are never stuck but many singles are and here the top reasons why:
1. Lack of self-esteem and self-worth
Too many people suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. These are learned attitudes that come from our earliest relationships and through thousands of hours of role modeling from our parents, family members and friends. If those relationships contained dysfunctional behaviours, it can only interfere with our ability to have successful relationships and being a chooser.
No matter what type of role modeling you received, you can choose to have a new paradigm and it starts with accepting, valuing and loving yourself. If you have difficulty in overcoming the limiting beliefs that cause your low self-esteem and self-worth, then go and get some help. Do it for you.
2. Fear of Failure
Fear of failure and rejection is an issue that most people have experienced. It prevents us from being vulnerable. Without the willingness to be vulnerable, we will never build loving, lasting relationships in life. That's because there is no better way to earn a person's trust in a relationship than by making ourselves vulnerable.
Yet our society encourages us to avoid vulnerability, to never fail, to always demonstrate confidence and strength. So for people who have low self-esteem, fear of failure becomes especially difficult. They believe they are not worthy of a loving relationship and this creates strong feelings of fear!
Being the chooser is the answer to the fear of failure and rejection. So combat your fear by taking action. Be aware that you have choices!
3. Not Trusting Your Intuition
We were given intuition for a reason. Our intuition is our inner warning and guidance system. Trust your intuition. Be aware of it. Pay attention to it. Have the courage to be guided by it.
Intuition can and will guide you to make good choices. It can also alert you to any red flags you may overlook and save you from heartache and making the wrong choices.
4. Being the Victim
The opposite of being a victim is being a Chooser.
Let's fact it. We live in a victim culture. Everyday we read or hear about it's the other guy's fault that our economy is a mess, lose money in the stock market, a business fails, or get a divorce. While victim-hood might make us feel better and in the right, it also makes us feel helpless and perpetuates our problems.
So what is it that you want? A fulfilling life and relationship? A loving family? Success in your work? I've learned that to get what you want, you must be the Chooser.
5. Not Developing Your Road Map for Life
If you don't know where you are going, how will you get there? How will you be able to make good choices?
By not knowing what you want in life and in a relationship, you relegate yourself to the passenger seat of life and someone else becomes the driver and takes charge and control over your life.
So take the time to figure out your life vision, define your goals and values, and your relationship requirements. It takes hard work. But do it anyway. Be in control of your life! Be the Chooser!